#210: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

When and how did I watch this?

October 14th, 2015, on a friend’s Plex account.

Had I seen this film already?

Nope.

What did I know about the movie before watching it?

It was made last year, which means it is likely ranked because of hype.  I was pretty sure this would be a major disappointment, but I sincerely sought to watch the whole thing objectively.  I vaguely remember knowing about the Guardians of the Galaxy as a kid, but the memories are long gone now.

What do I know about it now?

It’s a poor man’s Star Wars and The Breakfast Club. The writer/director assumes three things:

  1. You enjoy being talked down to for two hours.
  2. You’re a 14 year old boy or younger.
  3. You’ll be so enamored by the special effects that you forget how weak the story line is.

The visuals and sound are stunning; you’re thrust into another world and kind of forget none of it is real.  This, however, is where it ends; we’re forced to endure several corny one-liners, poor acting, and vain attempts at getting us to know the characters for an inevitable series of movies, which hopefully will reveal a third dimension to these very flat personas.

To make a brief comparison, I recall watching a film called Bowfinger several years ago.  The title character (Steve Martin) is attempting at making a hit action film, but covets quality actors. He manages to get a big action star’s brother, but still wants the real deal, and ends up kidnapping the guy (Eddie Murphy). What the director envisions at the end is, amidst a horrible plot, the star standing on top of a building and shouting “Gotcha suckas!” at some aliens, which is intentionally and painfully awkward.

Guardians ended very similarly with a line from Peter Quill: “You said it, b****. We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy.”

They even did that slow motion down the hallway group shot thing.

Or how about the “look who’s tough now?” shot earlier in the film:

Oy.

What are some themes in the film?

Loyalty, action, and how to write a comic book script.

Did this affect me personally?

It did nothing for me personally, except remind me why I don’t go to the theater anymore.

Why is this ranked #210?

All hype and visual effects.  It’s a superhero film, and everyone is in love with this right now.  Please make it stop.

Did my wife watch/like it?

She was annoyed.

Would I watch it again?

Offer me food, and perhaps I’d endure it again.

Would I recommend it to a friend?

Again, all my friends have seen it and probably like it.  I’m just a movie hipster now.

Does it deserve to be on this list as one of the greatest films of all time?

No. I’m not sure why it’s ahead of most of the films here. People love it, but as Phil Connors in Groundhog Day said, “People like blood sausage.”

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